Huntington’s Disease Awareness Month

Huntington’s Disease Awareness Month

In light of May being Huntington’s Disease Awareness Month, I wanted to revive my blog and give an update on where things stand for me right now, as well as highlight some events that will be taking place in the near future. 

Since we last chatted, I have been traveling a lot. My children and I have been here and there and everywhere, sharing life experiences and enjoying everything as thoroughly as is possible with an almost one year old and almost two year old. Were there problems? Of course there were. But we made it through them (with a lot of help from friends and family), and we have grown so much together that all the trials and tribulations were worth it. I have put off getting tested. I am still unsure whether it would be better to know or not. I have been trying to become more involved with HDSA, but our schedules are never compatible; whenever they have a meeting or event, it is invariably on the days that I am not in town. When I am not working on projects like this one for HD awareness, I have been volunteering at a humane society and making sure my kids know they are loved. They are only so little for so long, and they grow up entirely too quickly. While being a mommy sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out (and will most assuredly give me gray hair), it is honestly one of the best things I have ever done with my life and I could not be more grateful for it.  

Image courtesy of Brian Gordon at Fowllanguagecomics.com

We also recently were very fortunate to buy our first home, which has been wonderful for our family. I know our children love the space to run around, and I am thrilled that we no longer live on the top floor of a 3 story walk up. I will not miss those stairs!

My mom was fortunate enough to be a part of a test group for a new medication for HD. While I think during the trial she was on a placebo, since the end of the trial she has been able to take the actual medication which, in my opinion, has helped her tremendously. She has a very good memory now; her memory is actually better than mine in most cases, and she is more focused. It would appear that this medication doesn’t affect movements, so those are still there, but overall this has seemed to be a very positive experience for her. I am proud of her for being a part of the test group because I know it wasn’t easy for her. I admire her commitment and perseverance, and that is something I will never forget.

This year has also had a loss that greatly impacted me. They say that you never know how much someone means to you until you lose them, and in the case of Mary Nusser, that was most certainly true. I took her so much for granted that I actually couldn’t imagine a world without her. While we weren’t the best of friends, I did know her for my entire life and counted her as part of my family. With every project I started or dream I dreamed, Mary was always among the first to tell me that I could do it and support me. Even with this blog, she was one of the first to read it, was one of 3 that subscribed, and was at our last pizza night fundraiser. She was the kind of person who wholeheartedly believed that one person could change the world, and she lived every day in that way. She did so much to help others and affected so many people, that her loss was felt by her entire community, her family, and most certainly by all those who were lucky enough to call her a friend. 

So this year has had its ups and downs. 

Some exciting HD events and fundraisers are happening very soon! Of course, since May is HD awareness month, most of the Walk for Hope events are this month across the country. There are a few exceptions: Maryland is having their walk on June 16th; New Jersey has a walk on October 1st and October 22nd; and Virginia will have their walk on September 25th. Be sure to sign up for a walk in your area! Additionally, the HD conference this year is in Baltimore, MD on June 2nd-4th. A lot of great information about new treatments and medications will be presented and the conference is a great way to meet others who are affected by Huntingtons Disease. More events can be found by clicking the link to the HDSA website here
Event information courtesy of hdsa.org/donordrive

HD events!

HD events!

Today I wanted to shed some light on events for Huntingtons Disease that are going on in the next few months. 

  • Pizza night at Ledos TBD but mid August 
  • Bowling night in Maryland late August
  • Virginia Team Hope Walk 9/27 in Virginia Beach
  • Maryland Team Hope Walk 10/17 in Baltimore (UMBC campus)
  • New Jersey Team Hope Walk 10/18 in Roosevelt Park in Edison 

Lots of exciting events coming up! I am really looking forward to doing the team hope walks this year and having more pizza nights at Ledos. If you are not signed up for a walk yet, sign up for one! We will have a great time and raise awareness for HD, it’s a win-win for everyone. Together, we can find a cure. 

All Team Hope Walk information courtesy of the HDSA website.

Challenges of caring for a parent 

Challenges of caring for a parent 

One of the many things that are challenging about HD is the reversal of roles between a parent and a child. This is a problem that anyone who has had to care for a parent will understand. You go from being the one provided for and taken care of to being the care provider. You now have to call the shots and be the adult. It is not so bad if you are already at a stage in life where you have children or responsibilities of your own, but going through that role reversal while still a youth is not an easy task. Sometimes when doing tasks together that we have always done together I have to explain how to do them to her.

I will never forget the first time this was really driven home for me. We were working on a project together in our basement, laying squishy tiles on the floor so you wouldn’t have to walk on cement. My mom has done projects like that her entire life, so I was not expecting it when were trying to lay the floor and she asked me how it should be done. I had to tell her how to do it, when she was the one who showed me how to do it just a few years ago. It was a shock. 

This is not to say that I take care of my mom 100% yet, because my dad is still there to take care of her the majority of the time, but while he is at work my mom and I are alone together and on off days I have to be the one to plan the day and get things started. I have to help push her to do things and follow a schedule. Often I make lunches and food for everyone so that she gets fed, because otherwise she will forget lunch or just eat junk food. These moments don’t happen all the time, and she could have been having an off day because she can still lay tiles a lot better than I can, but it was gut wrenching for me. It’s little moments like that where I realize how much of her this disease is taking away. It is taking my mom, the person I always looked up to, who homeschooled me even though it was not fun, who was stronger than most men and could do literally anything she put her mind to. In little pieces bit by bit she will be gone. Part of why I wanted to write this blog, aside from raising awareness, was to save the beautiful memory of her I have in my head. This way, I will always be able to remember her the way I still see her in my mind. 

We take life one day at a time. It is easy to get caught up in the details and the bad stuff. It’s like when you go to the beach and its beautiful and sunny out, but then storm clouds appear on the horizon and everyone packs up and leaves. If those people had stayed around they would have enjoyed a lovely day at the beach, but they were too busy looking ahead and speculating how bad the storm would be to appreciate the sunny day they already had. Life with HD is like that. You have to appreciate what you have now despite the impending storm. 

Catching Up

Catching Up

So I know I said I would do daily posts and it’s been awhile, but it has been a hectic month for me with birthdays and special occasions, travel plans and doctors appointments, so I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive my absence. That said, I also wasn’t certain what to write about this time. The more topics we discuss, the more personal this gets for me, and the harder it becomes to say what I want to say. So, let’s start with an easy topic! 

The fundraiser that we had at Ledo’s Pizza in Maryland was a success! We raised over $200 for HD and there is talk of making it a regular monthly event.       More than 50 people contributed to the fundraiser last month! Many of them were familiar with HD but a number were not, so awareness was certainly raised; it was a win in my book. We had a fun night and supported our cause – the best of both worlds! I want to thank everyone who came to the event and supported the cause, as well as my parents, my nephew, and my sister who were instrumental to the success of the fundraiser. More events are in the works, so stay tuned!

Aside from that, life has been moving on. I have set a date to get tested for HD, something that I am terrified of but must do for my own sanity. I will keep you posted on how that goes. I have heard some of the mental tests that they do, and honestly, before my mom was diagnosed I probably wouldn’t have been able to do some of them. We will see how it goes. My mom is part of a study for new medication that might stop her symptoms where they are now. She is being part of the test group to help get research closer to a cure for others who may develop HD. I think she is very brave and I admire her very much for her calm attitude and selfless actions. Especially since she is afraid of blood and the first two days of the study they took a ton of blood.  I am also not excited about the taking of blood because I hate needles. I saw a video of the needle that is used during an epidural and I nearly passed out. I don’t mind blood, but the needles are 100% not okay with me. I am looking forward to getting some answers and being better able to plan for the future for myself and my children. If I have HD, I will try to become part of the study that my mom is a part of. I will also make sure that I start taking the medication that helps with movements as early as possible, so that I will be able to enjoy a better quality of life for a longer period of time. These are all the things I think about when I am awake at 2 and 3 in the morning: wondering what the future holds.  

 

The Importance of Positivity

The Importance of Positivity

Staying positive while watching someone you love go through Huntington’s disease is definitely a challenge for all of us. It is much easier to focus on the bad parts and dwell on the sadness. But it is crucial for families going through this awful disease together to find some happiness amid all of the sadness. 

For my family, we enjoy the time we have together. We do a lot of activities together and take a lot of pictures. We tell stories about days passed and reminisce. My mom decided she wants to visit all of the National Parks, so we are working towards getting her to all of them, and my parents travel to new places together as frequently as they can. As I have said in another post, we try to laugh about things as much as possible because it makes everything easier to cope with. 

For myself, writing this blog helps me to deal with everything. I am able to talk about my mother in a positive light while sharing facts and information about this disease. It is cathartic for me, and even if no one reads it I will keep writing. Sometimes I focus too much on what has been lost to HD, so this is good for me to do. Talking about it helps a lot, because then I am not experiencing this all alone or just with my dad. It can be hard sometimes, but we enjoy our times with each other. 

Huntington’s disease is certainly no picnic, but if you focus on everything that has been lost, you will miss all of the time that is in front of you right now. HD can’t stop you from living your life to the fullest while you are able to. 

Thoughts about a possible future with HD

Thoughts about a possible future with HD

As a person who is at risk of having HD, I have a relatively unique point of view. Knowing now for certain that my mother has the disease is both frightening and very sad. Knowing that I have a 50/50 shot at having the disease is not comforting. But the thought that really keeps me up at night is wondering if I have now passed this on to my innocent children. I don’t worry a lot about myself. Whatever happens to me happens; there is not much I can do about that. The thought that I have cursed my children not only to watch me suffer but also suffer themselves is almost unbearable. It is a situation that I’m not sure a lot of people understand. 

I am certain that I will not be able to rest until I know for sure if I have HD, but answers are also terrifying. If I have it, I might not live to be 60. I may never see my sons get married. I might not ever have grandchildren, or if I do I may never see them. They might have this too and then I have not just cursed my children, but my children’s children as well. So many things go through your mind when the bright, long future you envisioned is put at risk. But then, my time could be up tomorrow or twenty years from now. Whenever my number gets called, it gets called. 

My mindset about HD is different than my siblings or my father’s; they could have to watch me suffer through this, but they don’t have the added agony of wondering about the future generations too. This is why those who are at risk and caretakers need so much support, because the weight of the whole world feels like it’s on their shoulders. This is why more people need to be made aware of this disease and its effects, so that those who are suffering in silence right now can stand up and be met with kindness and support and empathy. That is what is needed. An understanding or at least empathetic shoulder to lean on when the weight of the world gets to be too much. My hope is that new research will at least make it more bearable for those who have HD, and that one day we will find a cure. That is the future I hope for: a world without Huntington’s Disease. 

Serious but silly 

Serious but silly 

While Huntington’s can be a very serious and depressing topic, there can still be some amusing aspects to it. This is NOT true for every family or every person who has HD, but I am the type of person who likes to find the bright side of things. Sometimes, to me, HD provides comedy gold. Let me just put this disclaimer out there: I am not by any means trying to make fun of or belittle anyone with Huntington’s disease. It is a serious topic and I take it seriously. Ok, with that out of the way, here is why I feel HD can be funny from time to time.

Some of the falls and accidents are so spectacular, that without HD they honestly would not be possible. Before you get mad and say “that’s not nice!” Let me provide an example. Once, my mother was going down the stairs carrying her dinner plate and a cup, and she slipped and fell down the stairs. The amazing part, was that even though she fell down three or four stairs, she managed not to drop her plate or water and didn’t even spill a drop! She was bruised but ok, so all we could really do was laugh. The number of times she has set the car alarm off is pretty high. I have started shouting “we found the car!” Every time she does it; I’m pretty sure people think we are crazy. Another time, my uncle was using the public bathroom. He had a movement while he was in the bathroom stall and ended up in the hospital. His movement caused him to nearly break his nose and get a black eye within the small confines of the stall. He literally got in a fight with a public toilet and lost.

The kind of scenarios that occur with HD are by no means beautiful or graceful. They can, in fact, be really horrifying and frightening to watch; it is one of the many reasons people with HD are secretive about it. I have found, however, that laughter makes people more comfortable and happier. It is certainly not true of all people with HD and laughter would mortifying and anger most. But in these kinds of situations, you can either laugh or cry. I have cried enough for this disease, so I am choosing to laugh. It makes the burdens easier to bear and makes the time we have together filled with laughter and not tears. 

HD Awareness Month events!

HD Awareness Month events!

Today, we are going to talk about some fun events that are going on this month in support of Huntington’s disease. 

First, if you some time available, do a Walk for Hope. There are lots of them all over the country, and they are a fun event that is easy to do. It is not a long walk, usually less than a mile, so don’t expect to be running a marathon, but it is good to be there in support of all the local families who have this disease. Even if you don’t have much free time, the walk is very fast. You can easily do the whole thing in an hour. There is also usually free food and t shirts and beads, so if you like free stuff, check it out! I am doing my Walk for Hope in Virginia Beach on September 27th, so if you miss your local walk, come join mine! I am planning on having a barbecue after. 

Second, for those in the Annapolis area of Maryland, Ledos Pizza is doing an event on Monday, May 18th from 5pm-closing. If you go to Ledos in Millersville off Veteran’s highwaytell them you are there for the HD event or in support of HD, and a percentage of your meal will be donated to HDSA. Let’s see how many people we can get there! Tell all your friends! 

Super science Saturday!!

Super science Saturday!!

Today’s awesome science fact is about new research about Huntington’s! In a Science Daily article on May 5, 2015, it was announced that researchers have discovered that a variant of the Huntington’s gene determines whether onset for the disease is early or late. This is enlightening and exciting research because little is currently known about how the disease operates and why it develops so early for some and late in others. 

My great uncle, as I mentioned previously, did not develop symptoms of Huntington’s until he was in his late 80s or early 90s. My grandmother showed symptoms at 50, while my uncle developed symptoms earlier, while he was in his mid forties. The interesting thing about that, is that there as so far been a correlation between age of onset and progression of the disease, so the earlier you get it, the faster it progresses. Early-onset Huntington’s disease or Juvenile Huntington’s disease is much more rare than the disease itself, but also more devastating. Occurring in children as young as two and as old as 25, afflicted persons have a considerably shorter life expectancy of only 10 years after diagnosis. 

While it might seem like a small step, knowing anything about this puzzling and complex disease is better than knowing nothing. This might be a key piece of information in discovering how the variant affects the speed of progression of the disease. In any case, knowing earlier that your HD could be faster than your mother’s or father’s is an important thing to know. One small step for now, one step closer to a cure.

Source:

Karolinska Institutet. “Gene variant determines early or late onset of Huntington’s disease.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 5 May 2015. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/05/150505082827.htm>.

Shhh… It’s a secret

Shhh… It’s a secret

You might be wondering why you don’t really hear about Huntington’s disease elsewhere. Part of it, as I said in my previous post, is that it is rare. Few people have it, so few people care or talk about it. But there are other reasons it is such an uncommon and taboo subject. 

Many people actually keep their diagnosis a secret. In days of old, symptoms of HD were justification to go to a mental facility, so you can imagine how many people wanted to discuss it back then. My family didn’t know what the disease was when my great grandmother was afflicted by it. It was not until my grandmother was diagnosed that people began to put together the chain of events that had preceded it. My mother was totally unaware of the risk of the disease to herself until my grandmother was diagnosed and the doctor explained it to her. We kept it as a secret for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, insurance companies are not forgiving or understanding. You tell them you have a genetic disease, and, before the Affordable Healthcare Act, you would be denied coverage faster than you could blink. Now you just have to pay through the nose but they can’t deny you coverage. My family didn’t want anything on any type of record to show a history of Huntington’s disease because it could have been grounds for me to be denied insurance in the future. 

Second, given its historical connection to mental facilities, it isn’t a comfortable conversation to have. It is like talking to people about depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Mental health issues are taboo subjects in this country and have been for a long time.

Third, it is an ugly process to watch, and once people know you have it, they watch your every move like hawks. It is hard when you are already questioning yourself about whether you have it, it is harder when everyone else is watching you like you’re under a microscope, analyzing your every stumble and quiver. It makes it difficult for you to be comfortable with whoever is doing that, so the fewer people you tell, the less you have to worry.

A lot of people with HD today still don’t like to talk about it for all of those reasons. That is part of why writing this blog is so important to me. In order for us to get the funding to find a cure, more people have to be aware of the existence of the disease with the first place. We have to bring it out of the shadowland it lives in and out into the daylight. We have to talk about it, and the more people who join in to that conversation, the better. I have nothing to lose by telling you about myself and my connection to this disease, but if I keep it a secret, if no one ever knows, I could lose a bunch of my family, myself, and maybe my children to this disease. I, for one, am not willing to let that happen.